hope this makes you smile

Hello everyone.  I know it's been awhile.  Sometimes life just gets a little busy.

I captured a little skier/rider creativity that made me smile and thought I'd share.  Hope it gives you a smile too.

perspective

We all need it.  It’s easy to get lost without it and I've had a big dose of it this past week.  I can’t think of anything to write – anything worthy that is given tragedies abroad.

Fear

Maybe I am struck with fear.  It started with waking to the light vibrations of my cell on the nightstand.  My sister calling at 5:30 am did not mean anything good.  And the fear in her voice calling to alert me to the tsunami warning, knowing we would be asleep and my family caught off-guard.  We were in no danger but my sister’s fear was real and it was contagious. And people here in California died because of what happened over there. People who didn't heed the warnings, didn't pay attention to the fear.

I live in earthquake country.  Fear of a big earthquake is very real.  Maybe that’s why I spent over $500 on groceries this weekend.  Suddenly jolted.  Jolted knowing this could happen to me, to us, to my family.  Here.  Anytime.  I need to be prepared.  This is something I can control in a world full of fears.

Fear of nuclear fallout heading my way.  Unfounded fear circulating, viral.  Fear of not knowing the true threat in the event of a full nuclear meltdown.

Ignorance

I am crushed by the ignorance.  The jokes.  It is not funny.  People lost their lives.  Mothers, fathers, sons and daughters, babies.  Especially the little ones.  Real people.  People with families.  People who were loved and now gone.

And the references to Pearl Harbor.  And the comments on Facebook.  How can people be so heartless?  I think they have never known loss, deep, profound loss.  We need compassion not ignorance.

Sacrifice

How many sacrifices were made during the disaster?  How many are still being made?  The "Faceless 50" staying behind, frantically trying to keep things under control.  Knowing the risks and and accepting their fates.

All this while knowing the world is still turning.  It provides quite the perspective.

i'm a very good driver

As a mother I do a lot of driving.  Take a Tuesday for example.  I drive the oldest and drop him off at school in the morning and then make my way to the BART station.  If I’m lucky (and early enough) I’ll get a spot.  If not, then I have to drive back home and wait for the 10:00 am parking to open up and drive back down there.  Of course, after work, I drive home.   Tuesdays they boys have Boy Scouts so I drive one kid to the middle school, and then I drive back home.  A short time later I have to pick up the oldest from lacrosse practice at the high school, and then I drive back home.  Finally it’s time to pick up the kid from Boy Scouts, and then I drive back home.  You get the picture. 

Winter provides even more hours on the road with our weekend trips up to the mountains for skiing.  Three hours (if we’re lucky) each way.  Every weekend.  You see by all this driving how I must be a very good driver.  And I am (as I pat myself on the back).  It’s all the other folks out there that make me scratch my head and wonder if they got their license from a Cracker Jack box.   Where did some of these people learn to drive?!

I’ve categorized them.  Yes, I have.  I haven’t earned the nickname “Poster Child for Road Rage” for nothing.

First let me tell you about the Magician.  These are the people driving on the highway who put their blinkers on and immediately move into your lane.  They assume their magical prowess causes you to evaporate into a POOF of air simply because they put on their blinker.  You just don’t exist anymore.

Of course there’s the Tailgater.  You know the type, riding up your rear so close it reminds you of a dog sniffing another dog’s butt.  Only they’re not friendly and wagging their tails.  These people are just plain rude (and stupid because I like to break suddenly to teach them a lesson).  What really gets me irked is when someone tailgates me when I have a slowpoke in front of me.  Listen pal, I can’t move any faster than the person in front of me so back off buddy!

My least favorite is the Traffic Regulator.  Traffic regulators are also known as egotists.  These are the folks that, on a highway, will ride in the left lane even when not passing.  If, however, you decide that you’d like to go around them, they will speed up immediately to prevent that from happening.  You see, they are (of course) driving at the perfect speed and think that you should not drive any faster.  They must keep you in your place – behind them.  At all costs.  These same people you follow for extended periods of time on a long, winding mountain road wishing for a passing lane and when it at long last comes, he hits the gas pedal at break-neck speed eclipsing your ability to pass.

Okay, wait.  I remembered one more – definitely tied for least favorite – the Moving Roadblock.   This is a version of the Traffic Regulator only the motivation is different.  Where the Traffic Regulator is an egotist, the Moving Roadblock is suffering from obliviosity.  Typically no intentional malice, but still just as frustrating.  These are the folks that drive in the left lane and don’t pass either.  What makes it utterly frustrating is that they are side-by-side with the guy in the right lane effectively “blocking” your ability to get around.  

Do you know these people?  Where did they learn to drive?  Have any more to add to the list?  I'm sure someone's got a comment about cell phones and driving.  Or how about those people who drive up in the exit lane and suddenly cut in?

Pssst...check it out!

Today I'm Guest Gabbing over at The Mommy Mambo!  A regular in Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop, Jennifer and I are of the "three boys club".  Or make that four if you count the husbands!  See what she's all about.  I think you'll enjoy - I know I do.

So go - go now!  Leave me some cheer and pretend that I'm not failing at parenting. Or, as Jennifer says, Failing Fabulously.  Now that's some good alliteration!

the age of 4

As time keeps ticking by and the kids are getting older, I think back to earlier days.  Days of younger years.  Days of different challenges.  Days of smaller feet and smaller clothes and smaller problems.  They were also the days of better sleeping (yes I actually slept better when my kids were younger), bigger hugs and longer snuggle time.

When the subject of "best age" comes up, I am usually quick to respond that my favorite age of a child is between the age of about nine months to 18 months.  I really do love this age.  Two of my three were sleeping through the night right around nine months and there is nothing better for a new mother than a complete 8 hours.  I realize this has nothing to do with the kid.   It's all about me, the mom, and my mental health, but still it helps make this a golden age.

The first round of teething has been endured.  Once those first few teeth break through, the whole process just seems more manageable, for both me and the kid.  And isn't that how it is with everything - the first time is the hardest?

And they can move.  My babies were pretty hefty as infants and it took them awhile to figure out how to get mobile.  Once they got that, wow, they were so very happy.  A happy baby means a happy mom.

They change so much during these few months.  Moving, growing, walking, talking, eating new things, exploring all the time.  The world is theirs.  They cling like a monkey when you cart them around, that is until they start pushing away.  And that's when this golden age winds down.  Before the two's.  Before the power struggles.  Before the wild child sets in. 

If I think a bit more though, I think the real golden age is the age of four.  Diapers are done.  Bottles are behind us.  Independence sets in.  They are old enough to get themselves dressed and find a snack.  I remember being amazed when I witnessed my child at preschool pouring his own milk from a pitcher into his cup.  He could do that all by himself! 

The range of entertaining activities is limitless.  Crayons, legos, Batman, Spiderman, but before Star Wars.  Matchbox cars, Speed Racer and Dora and Diego.  Books, books, books.

But they're still your baby.  Still young enough that they want you, need you.  They want to snuggle and their nighttime tuck-ins.  Stories, stories, stories - the love of a good book or two or three.  Still small enough to crawl into your bed when a bad dream invades their sleep.  Still freely giving huge hugs.  You are everything in their world, but they are also their own being.

And then school starts.  The world begins to change.  Slowly at first, but the divide begins, never to return to that special age, that age of 4.

the cheating factor

I know this is going to rub you literary folks, especially any of you that teach.  But I have to go here. I need some advice, perspective if you will.

I learned recently that my son teenager has been using Spark Notes.  For those of you not in the know, this is the online version of Cliff Notes from way back when, you know, in the old days back when I was in school.  I will neither confirm nor deny this author's use of said Cliff Notes, even if on rare occasion.  Hey don't hate!  I was a history major.  Do you know how many books they make you read?

We were discussing classes and school, me giving the usual barrage of "you need to study more" comments.  It always seems like I'm lecturing these days.  Honestly he's been struggling.  It's a difficult year with difficult classes.  The grades have not been good, or at least some subjects have not been good.  Interestingly enough, English has not been one of the problematic subjects causing me him grief.  Curiosity got the best of me and I had to probe and see what was going on in that class.  English is a subject I can converse about.  Chemistry, not so much.

The conversation went something like this:

Me:  Blah, blah, blah.  "And what are you doing in English?  Are you doing any writing?  I know your teacher had lots of books for you to read (this I know based on one of the three Back To School Nights I attended last fall - that's what happens when you have three kids).  How come I never see you reading your books?"

Teenager: "Oh I don't read them.  They're all so boring.  Have you read Brave New World mom?  It's so boring!"

Me:  "Uh, well, how do you pass the class then?"

Teenager:  "Spark Notes, duh, Mom."  Yes, he said that.  Maybe I should lecture him on more respect too?

I played it off.  Of course I am a hip, in-the-know mom.  Spark Notes, duh.  I kept my ignorance to myself, quickly picked my chin up off the floor and babbled on.  We chatted more and I learned all the books they've "read" in class.  It seems that he'll start a book and if he likes it, for example Antigone, he'll read it.  If it's too boring, he jumps over to Spark Notes for the digest version.

My immediate reaction is that it's cheating.  On the other hand, it seems like he is making an effort to try the book and whether he reads it or not, he's getting the plot and analysis.

What do you think?  If it's cheating, how can I stop it?  Even if I block the site at home, he could find another computer somewhere else if he really doesn't want to read the book.  I can be a hypocrite take the moral high ground and express that it is, in fact, cheating and lecture him on one more thing.  Or, I can simply accept the fact and be thankful that he is at least trying first and still getting the exposure?  What is education anyway?  By the way, this teenage crap sucks.  It was so much easier when they were young and believed everything you said without question, like "of course it's your bedtime, the sky is dark."

Update: "the experiment", part deux

Recently I gave up TV and I am calling it an experiment.  There's nothing that says I have to remove TV from my life permanently and I'm eager to see what changes, if any, happen around the house.

It feels like ages ago but the reality is that it's been less than two weeks.  The fact that I cite this should say something.  I'm still craving my nightly fix and it's pretty strong.  It's not all doom and gloom though.  In the past week I've:

Bonus 1:  Learned how to play Stratego with my 12 year old and spent an evening beating him.  Sadly, in the world with TV, this almost never would have happened on a school night. 

Bonus 2:  Did Star Wars Mad Libs with the 7 year old and was reminded how all things bathroom and body part humor are the forefront of kids this age.  That and Star Wars.  He read it to his older brothers, his father, and himself repeatedly.  Nothing like a little humor in your life.

Bonus 3:  Started reading You're Not the Boss of Me:  Brat-proofing Your Four- to Twelve- Year Old Child.  It's a pretty good read so far but I haven't made nearly the progress I'd like because...

Bonus 4:  Gotten lots more sleep.  Sorry but it's just plain boring most nights - might as well get some sleep!

Bonus 5:  Engaged in a long, relaxed conversation with my teen (a rarity these days).  I learned lots of stuff. 

• Poke wars via Facebook and the cell are all the rage, and in progress practically 24x7.  
• Sex education this year had an interesting effect - apparently even condoms are no guarantee to protect you from disease and it's totally grossed him out.  
• He had a math test this past week - important to know because he's not doing so well in math.  His poor math performance, I learned, is because he's struggling with the abstract concepts this year has introduced.  Every math class to this point has been very tangible and easy for him.  Interesting because that was my same experience.
• We also talked about drinking and driving - an important subject given he's making progress towards his learner's permit.  I was able to reinforce how necessary it is to call me for a ride if he's been drinking.  We went back and forth on this topic with him insisting that I'd be so mad and he'd be in so much trouble.  I hope I successfully reassured him that it's still the best (and only) option when he's been drinking.  And the consequences, minor compared with a DUI, loss of license or, of course, much worse.

Bonus 6:  Been reminded by the teen about our talk.  This seems to indicate that I made a good impression.   I think he really enjoyed the time with me.  And that is precious, especially at a time when he's growing apart more and  more every day.

Bonus 7:  Watched the very first episode of Mad Men with hubby.  Someone in his office gave him the first season on DVD and I'm hoping to catch up on this show because I've heard nothing but rave reviews.  I'm anxious to see more, but I'll have to keep my desire for the crack under control. 

It seems that no TV has had some perks.  I'll be curious to see my list after a month.