I feel comfortable saying that everyone has these periods in their lives where the stress of it all feels overwhelming. And I happen to be there now. In fact, it's making me sick. And I can't really eat. But I actually do, choking down whatever I can.
There is one thing I've written about, the mugging. And the fact that I have to face this bastard when I really want to forget about it. And as much as I would like to think that this hasn't been a big deal, I can't avoid the reality of the emotions it is stirring in me. I am more affected than I want to be. I am angry. I am angry because I feel vulnerable. And that sucks.
There are things I haven't written about yet. I can't because the distress runs too deep. Know that it's huge. I can't think about it let alone write about it. It's buried for now, but it will rear its ugly head one day.
Then there's the fact that my babysitter abandoned me with no notice two weeks before school started. Keep in mind I work full-time. I, of course, immediately put an ad in at the local college, my usual reliable source. Unfortunately it hasn't panned out this time. Only two responses, and they're not available until next week. Their school year doesn't begin until after Labor Day so most of the students aren't on campus yet.
I am in uncharted waters. I've never been without a babysitter. This means a huge amount of stress for me. I have to be on and I mean ON one hundred percent. There is no room for the unexpected, like last week when the CTO called a meeting at 5:00 pm. Everything is planned to the Nth degree. Dinners have to be planned, lunches prepared. Three kids in three different schools lends itself to a whole new game when you are only two parents, and no babysitter. So now I have to figure out how I'm going to be at one Back To School Night at 6:30 and pick up a kid at his soccer practice at 6:45. Anybody have a way to replicate a body?
All this and my big, no make that huge, project at work is launching this week. The demo went well and it's time to open the flood gates. You see, it's counter-intuitive. The launch of this particular project just means that the volume of work is going to increase.
The irony of it all is that I have to plan and be prepared. I say it's ironic because the way to avoid feeling overwhelmed would be to just take it one step at a time, one day at a time. But I can't. If I don't have a menu for the week, and the food for it, dinner just won't get made. That'll mean cranky kids and cranky mom and result in trips to Burger King. Burger King, yuck, a place where I won't even eat anything on the menu. I guess that's okay. I can't really eat anyway.