Wednesday, June 29, 2011

trust - the lighter side

A few days ago I wrote about trust in a very serious way. Today is trust, the lighter side.

I trust as soon as the floor is mopped one of my kids will spill something sugary sticky on it.
I trust as soon as I finish that last load of laundry the dirty clothes baskets will be full.
I trust as soon as I figure out a parenting method, my kids will change on me and render said method obsolete and ineffective.
I trust that if I go out for "just one drink", I'll always have too many!
I trust there to always be another roll of TP under the cabinet.
I trust in jinxing myself.
I trust I must look at the toilet seat to 1.) ensure that it's down and 2.) doesn't have pee all over the seat before I sit.
I trust as soon as I put on the sprinklers, water the garden or wash my car, it will rain.
I trust I will always forget one thing at the grocery store, even if it's on my list.

So how about it? What's the lighter side of your trust?

Sunday, June 26, 2011

what do you trust?

Lindsey has made this her year of trust. Until recently I haven't thought too deeply although her last guest post by Pam on how to navigate a life resonated with me. It made me recall so vividly the intense emotions following my mother's death. I realize those are lot of links, but they sure are worth the read.

I started thinking about trust. What do I trust?

I trust the sun will rise tomorrow.
I trust there will be events that shake your core.
I trust life will go on, whether you want it to or not.
I trust I am being the best wife and mother I can be, even with my failures.
I trust I will make mistakes.
I trust everyone makes mistakes.
I trust there will be love and loss.

In the end, all will work out as it was meant to be. There is so much we try to attain yet it is difficult to realize how much is out of our control. In this we must trust. We must trust that we will rise to see another day. We must trust that it is not without value to try, and try our best.

But what do you do when your trust is broken?
Do you really believe that things are out of your control?
How do you recover when your trust is shattered?

Sunday, June 19, 2011

the surprise of it all

Time flies so quickly - first with the holidays, then the busy winter ski season to end it all with end-of-school-year mayhem.  Add to that a new job in the middle of it all and it's a wonder I post here at all.   I enjoy it though.  I enjoy the camaraderie and friendships made along the way.  I enjoy the perspective.   I enjoy taking the time to collect my thoughts and put them down on screen.

It's hard to believe it's been over seven months and I had yet to make good on my promise to my Uncle's wife Karen.  This weekend I finally made good.  I kept my promise to a great woman; a woman so generous of her spirit I know if no other that can compare. Here you can read about how she gave the most precious gift of time when it was needed most.

I trekked up to my Uncle's house in the the Sierra foothills to begin the process of going through his house and clearing out his things.  And, boy, he sure has a lot of things.  A history lover by nature, his collections ranged from valuable pre-Colonial to Civil War coins and bills to beat up old Mason jars and Altoids tins, antique washboards and jars, books on the Sierra Nevada, baseball and the Civil War.  He was an avid Clamper with all the paraphernalia - pins, placards, t-shirts from events and fliers from everything he ever attended.  I'm sure.

I went up there packed with my working clothes - throw-away shorts and t-shrts, old sneakers that I could toss if needed.  I was prepared for the long, heavy lifting exercise of sorting and tossing but, much to my surprise,we didn't do much of that.  Instead we looked at pictures.  Boxes and boxes and boxes of pictures because, after all, he also was a photography buff and collected those too.

I saw pictures that I'd never seen before.  Pictures I don't even remember being taken.

Little nuggets like this:

And how about this one? Holy cow - who is this family?!  (What's with the cowboy hats?  Fashion I suppose.)


And then I stumbled upon some more.  Like the infamous bug:

And reminders of all the great times we've had.  Unc, me, my sister, my husband - good, good times.

And some unexpected reminiscing too; pictures of my mom poking through.

But what's that you say?  There's that hair again - don't judge.  It was the 80's.

Saving the best for last, here's my favorite:

This weekend was so intense. Wow. Just wow. What a fantastic surprise.

Friday, June 10, 2011

half-way through

Yesterday I realized that this year marks my half-way point for parenting.  I've been doing it for the past 15+ years and have another 15 to go.  Another 15 years will put my littlest one at 22, hopefully a college graduate.  It'll put me at 56, hopefully just shy of retirement. 

I don't know if I'm depressed or happy about this.  When you signed up for parenting, did you ever think about how long you'd be doing it?  I didn't.  I thought 18 years, which seemed like an eternity when I had my first at the ripe age of 25. 

There have been several instances where I've repeated my calculations to unsuspecting parents at the elementary school, part bragging, part lamenting the fact that I will be at my elementary school for 16 consecutive years.  16.  I think it's pretty close to a record.  I know others that have had more years, but not consecutively.

Knowing I've spent the last 12 years tied to this school, it was uncomfortable to realize that I knew not a single face in the crowd on the playground.  There were plenty of parents and plenty of children, I'm sure there would have been names I recognized had I been told, but no one I know.   The discomfort stems from a few different things. 

One is the knowledge that part of my disconnect is my own doing.  I work full-time and chose to protect some sense of sanity by eliminating volunteer efforts around the schools.  Between the time commitment and the catty women entrenched, I had enough - 12 years' worth of enough.

I also am tremendously guilty at times.  Those jokes people make about the differences between the first, second and then third - they've rang mostly true for me.  Henry is getting less attention than the first two but I'm not sure how to do it differently.

Another piece of the discomfort is that I've never been part of the Cool Kids Club.  (See note above about catty women.)  I wasn't in high school.  In college it was only with the guys and only because I could drink my weight in beer.  I haven't been in the working world either.  I can be political to a point and then I call it like I see it.  And catty women don't like that.  While I'm fine with that, I have my true friends, it still sometimes stings when I think about it.

Sometimes I see the CKC here in the blogosphere.  I've connected with a few people but one look at my stats and Twitter followers and it's plain to see that I've not risen to the CKC status.  I'm okay with this even if it is slightly painful.  Again, I have a few good friends.  That's what I need and that's what matters.

Here's to the next 15 years.  I hope my youngest isn't disappointed about my lack of involvement.  I think I will try to volunteer somewhere.  You really have to do it in the elementary years.  Middle school affords very little opportunity and there's virtually none in high school.  Maybe I'll make a friend or two.  He needs it.  Maybe I do too.