Friday, April 27, 2012

Five for Five: Listening

Did you listen to me?
Did you listen to what I had to say?
Or did you go about your life
In your own selfish sort of way?

How could I be just some background noise
So easily dismissed, easily ignored?
Was listening to what I have to say
Only going to make you bored?

Was it really so hard
To care what I'd say?
Why, oh why
Did you treat me this way?

I was so lonely here and
That's not how it was meant to be.
Hearing just isn't the same as
You listening to me.

I gave so much of myself,
As much as I could.
All in support of us,
I thought I was doing good.

Together we were supposed to stand
The ultimate test of time.
But you wouldn't take the time to listen
And therein lies the crime.

You want to sail away on a boat
Play some poker, put a ball on a tee.
So we've met with the lawyers,
And divided our property.

To hell with the marriage.
To hell with the kids.
But breaking our boys' hearts,
That I cannot forgive.

Today we are divided
Only to fade away.
If only you had listened,
There might have been another way.

But you couldn't listen.
I don't think you know how.
I am alone with my blog
At least some people are listening now.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Five for Five: Age

I am cheating a bit today.  I am reposting something from November 2010 - something about age, something about feeling older.

I constantly profess how young I feel compared to my chronological age.  For years I was twenty-six.  It didn't matter what the calendar said, I was still twenty-six.  Within the past year or so, I've bumped my age up to twenty-eight.  Not quite sure why, but it feels right. 

Before today, I could not speak to the reasons that made me feel older or younger.  Today, however, today I did one thing which has caused me to feel older.

My Uncle passed away at a very awkward moment - it was literally less than 48 hours before I was to get on a plane with my three kids and head to Disney World for an extended Thanksgiving vacation.  My husband had separate travel arrangements and was meeting us there having been out of town all week on business.  My sister and brother-in-law and their three kids also were flying in for the holiday.  Being a practical person, I had no idea what his death would mean to the immediate plans.

My Uncle's wife, Karen, knew of our planned combined vacation.  She knew that sisters living 3,000 miles apart having the opportunity to spend a holiday together, with our families, cousins playing with cousins, was something that didn't happen often.  Karen, the beautiful, giving woman that she is, recognized the importance.  She knew that with the death of our Uncle, we'd need each other more than ever.   Being cremated and with no particular religious requirements, there was no rush for services.  Karen, as usual, gave of herself and gave my sister and me the precious gift of time.  Time for sisters to be together, to share in our grief.  Time for our families to enjoy what we could of our long-planned vacation.  And so we carried on with our plan.  We went on vacation.  

Now vacation is over and it's time to do what must be done.  Being the so-called "writer" in the family, I offered to Karen, no, I suggested, that I help write my Uncle's obituary.  There was a basic one put in the local paper back East, but I wanted more.  I wanted more of Uncle Mike in it because he was so much more to me.  I have never thought about having to write an obituary.  I don't recall my mother's obituary at all.  But today I wrote an obituary.  Today I feel older.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Five for Five: Pictures

Picture me, picture  me, 
picture me this.
Skies of blue and
grasses green,
California poppies
in full orange bloom.
The warmth of the afternoon sun
Politely interrupted by foggy breeze.

Picture me, picture me,
picture me this.
Blonde and fuzzy,
soft and curly.
Eyes with long lashes,
Open wide and brightly blue.
Delicious chubby cheeks
both pale and pink.

Picture me, picture me,
picture me this.
No need for photos, 
Forever etched in my mind.
The beauty of things
In this so-called life.
The wonder and feel of
true treasures.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Five for Five: Words

Softly spoken in my ear,
The sweetest thing I'll ever hear.
The power to move me, to make me whole.
The sweetest gift I'll ever know.

What are these words you ask?
What is it that they say?
It depends on who.
It depends on the day.

So many opportunities to look at things anew.
You need be present to know what's true.
All you have to do is open up and feel.
And listen to the words that are so real.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Five for Five: Change

Brother, can you spare a dime?
I am weak to drink.
Voices keep shouting in my head.
A cup of coffee, a loaf of bread.
Whatever you can spare.
Can you help me out?
No? God bless you.
We're just trying to get by. 
Thank you brother.  Thank you.

Sister, can you spare a nickel?
Been beaten and beaten down.
And I need to protect my baby.
The street is hard and the nights are cold.
Anything really.  Anything for a room.
I need to buy me and my kid some food.
No? No worries.  God bless you.
We're just trying to get by.  
Thank you sister.  Thank you.

People can you spare some change?
I used to play with the best but been down on my luck.
Lost my gig and got bills to pay.
Life's been hard but I will play you a tune.
What do you fancy? 
A sweet song, a blue melody.
Brother, sister, can you spare some change?
No? God bless you.
Maybe next time. 

This post is inspired by Momalom's Five for Five.  Todays' topic:  Change.  Come link up!

Friday, April 13, 2012

what do you think?

I've been so inconsistent in posting these days.  Part of it is the inability to make the time.  I have the time. I'm just not writing.  Part of the "not writing" bit is my concern about "how fucking depressing do I come off?"  I mean really.  There's only so long people remain interested in reading downers all the time.

I am not all doom and gloom but it's an urge I constantly fight, given the circumstances.  And, in an effort to break out of the rut, to focus on other things, I've started collecting a list of post ideas as things flit through my mind.  Some of it might be parenting, some of it might be professional, some of it might be....I don't know what.  But who cares!  Onward!


Twitter provides me with a stream of links to interesting reads.  (I follow, therefore, I must find interesting.) A Tweet that caught my eye the other day read something like, "Pro Golfers Struggle To Balance Work And Time With New Babies" with a link to the story.   I'm not sure what I was expecting to read.  Likely something along the lines of managing a new family while traveling so much.   I love golf and I know the efforts surrounding a "normal" job and work and was curious as to how their lives might be similar to my own (or different too).

Instead I found a little piece that started me thinking.  It seemed to me that the author was poking fun because Bubba Watson has yet to change a diaper on his one month old newly adopted baby. Like it's a bad thing.

So my question to you all is, do you really need to deal with the shit (no pun intended - well, yes it was) of parenthood to make you a good parent?  Gosh I don't think so.  I think about all the shit I deal with as a parent and I know that if I didn't have to deal with half of it, I'd be so much happier and a much better parent.  Why do people feel that you have to slog through the unpleasantries to earn a badge?

I say give Bubba a break - he did win the Masters for cryin' out loud.  I'm sure he can afford to hire someone to change those nasty ones.    And, any parent out there knows that there will be plenty of opportunity to change diapers over the next few years.  No one in their right mind would NOT want to get out of that if they could.