Today is one of those days where I'm painfully aware that I lack emotional stability. Every little thing is too much, or not enough. I am hard on those around me, and hard on myself.
My demeanor rises and falls with my blood sugar and hormones, my lack of sleep or night of restfulness. And there are the intangibles. The inability to logically assess from where these emotional states come.
I am sure it's confusing for my family. The same behavior elicits quite different responses. One minute I'm espousing all my husband's endearing qualities and the next, a series of complaints. One minute I'm kind and gentle, the ideal parent. The next, I hear the sharp tone in my voice I so often remember from my mom in my youth.
It's the same at the office. One minute I am energized and challenged with the volume of work. And the next, simply feeling like I'm drowning, destined for failure.
Life requires so much energy. Maybe it is the plain fact of needing nourishment, or the curse of being a woman, or the lack of a good night's sleep that diminish my ability to maintain. But the logical part of my brain thinks those are just excuses. That somehow, I should rise above all that and be better.