stifled

My heart is here but my head isn't.  Words and ideas swirl in my head like the dead leaves outside on a brisk fall day.  They click as they rustle never seeming to settle down.

I am disconnected, outside looking in.  Lurking.  I sit on the periphery engaging only sporadically.  Unfortunately in both the real and virtual worlds.

I am not living up to the title of this blog.  I am not saying all I want to say.  I've written before about how I cannot wear a veil.  I can make excuses but mostly I am stifled.  It appears that if I cannot write with honesty about things that matter, then I cannot write at all.  It feels false and unworthy of my time.

I need to find a balance though because I miss the community.  I miss the engagement at a time when I need it the most.   Of course my real-world friends are here for me but there's something to be said for the online world.  It is always "on" with no need to coordinate schedules, drive anywhere or find babysitters.  You can reach out and find people to connect with regardless of, maybe even because of, your idiosyncrasies.  At any given time you can find someone.  And it's good to have someone even if there are words left unspoken.