Tuesday, February 21, 2012

these weeks

These weeks gone by.

These past few weeks have been interesting.  Several key events passed by - events with former meanings now needing to be redefined.  And I've been trying.  Trying to figure out how to be, what it all means.  Trying to not get overwhelmed with racing thoughts that have no purpose for they cannot change a thing.  But they might be able to paralyze me and that's not what I need.  I need control but only in a manner that steadies me.

I've had some firsts these past few weeks.  The first birthday celebration knowing we are not a whole family anymore.  My first Valentine's Day with the understanding that I don't have anyone. My first birthday where I had to take my kids out, rather than let my family do for me. 

They were all awkward and there were missteps to be sure.  But it wasn't all that bad and I made my way through it.  I managed.  I've kept my thoughts from swirling down a path of depression.  Not quite hope though.  I'm not sure I have it in me to look to the future.  Sure I can move forward, but cannot (or do not want to) see a future.  I don't care for that - it sets expectations and I cannot do with more disappointments.

We've come to the point where we've pretty much finalized our settlement agreement.  We've been going to a mediator and so far it's been relatively smooth, hardly any antagonism at all.  We should only have one more meeting with the mediator if all goes well.  Then it will be a function of time - six months to pass until we can declare it officially complete.  Doesn't it always come down to time?  If you make the time?  If you find the time?  Time will ease all wounds?  Surely it will if you grieve appropriately I think.  It must.

These weeks ahead.

As the saying goes, when one door closes another shall open.  And it has.  These next weeks ahead mark my departure from my current gig.  I've given my notice to pursue an opportunity.  It's exciting.  It's scary.  I will have to perform. 

You see, I'm moving on to Twitter.  As in - I am starting a job at Twitter!  The Twitter!  I wasn't looking for a new gig.  My current position was going quite well.  But someone at Twitter tapped me on the shoulder.  I interviewed.  And interviewed again.  And then interviewed some more.  Grueling really.  But in the end, they liked what they saw, what I had to offer, and  so made me an offer.  I couldn't turn it down.

So it's interesting how these things work.  Truly in the midst of one door closing, another has opened.  In the middle of all this sadness and uncertainty comes promise and opportunity.  And I need that.
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