Friday, February 28, 2014

the past eight months

I've been missing this space.  I miss the community.  I miss the therapeutic nature of writing.  I miss deep thoughts (and stupid ones too).  I can't say my absence isn't without cause.  It's actually been deliberate.

When I started at Twitter, I was unprepared that my personal Twitter account was going to be connected to the company, my employer.  It didn't have to be.  I could've setup a separate account, but it all just happened so quickly.  I didn't think it through.  I've since removed the blog URL from my profile and have been playing a waiting game.  Hopefully enough time has passed (and that Google Reader ceased to exist) so any co-workers that might have been paying attention aren't any longer.   Regardless, I want to play catch-up.

My last post was Sammy's graduation in June.  Crazy.  And since then there have been a lot of good times.

I've made new friends to golf with.

Co-workers who love beer share the joy.

Shared many drinks with friends.

Those who need not be named.

Met some famous people.

Commander Hadfield and my dear friend Lucy

Jean Luc Picard, I mean, Patrick Stewart

Thanksgiving was fun.  The family went to Disney World to meet up with my sis and hers.  Did you know that I love Disney?  I'm kinda a freak about it actually.

Here I am imitating Donald Duck, my favorite character.

Quack Quack!

We actually got to enjoy a nice meal, too.

Teppan Edo in Epcot. 

And it wouldn't be vacation without a little golf (who's on the hat?).

Me and my sis!

I went to a great Christmas party in the City.

San Francisco City Hall in Twitter Blue

And played a little golf around the holidays too (thank you California!)


Finally, I wrapped up the year's end with someone special at a Sharks game.

Birthday boy.

After taking several months off from league, I went back to playing some pool.

And started a new tradition.

"Lasagna at Cathy's" 

Of course there've been more drinks with friends.

Friends forever. 

And someone celebrated his 10th earlier this month!

Why yes, he does love Minecraft.

And there it is, the last eight months in review.  Hope to be around here more often.

Friday, June 14, 2013

one down, two to go

It feels odd to think that one of my boys is now a graduate.  Part of me feels like it's been an eternity; part of me feels like it wasn't too long ago I was dealing with him as a stubborn two year old.  It begs the question "where did the time go?"  But that question has been asked and answered.  

My job is done.  But not really.  I have an (almost) adult child.  Just like my dad said when I got my driver's license, "Just because you got your license today doesn't mean that you're now an expert driver."  My dad always has such sage advice.  The same principle can apply to being an adult.  Just because he's a graduate, just because he'll soon be 18, these things mean something - but not much.  There's still so much growing to do.  I hope he grows throughout his life.

I still don't know what he'll be when he grows up.  He doesn't know either and that's okay.  He has passed this milestone and is on to the next.

Now for some pics:

 The graduate with his brothers and mother.  Clearly I'm shrinking....

The boys and proud mama.

We had the sweet surprise of East Coast family for the affair.  My Dad and sister flew out just for the event.  I couldn't have been happier.

The family (including Auntie Chris and Grandpa).

This post would not be complete without the obligatory embarrassing photo.  I could've found some butt shot from his baby-hood, but instead I chose the picture I took this morning.  Yes, he still loves his Snoopy, a gift from his Auntie when he was born.  He's going to kill me for this.

He's still my baby.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Proust Questionnaire

I have been away from here for so long.  It's weighing on my mind.  Oh the irony of all the things I want to say but cannot.  Some things are just too personal, too private.  This must say a lot because repeatedly I hear, "I can't believe how open you are on your blog."

But I want to continue writing here.  I want to continue participating in my virtual community.  I've been looking for an opportunity to do something light and I found it on Kristen's site - and she was inspired by another friend.  Hop on over to see their answers.  I've posted mine below.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Sitting through the middle school band concerts, including the chorus.  
Where would you like to live?
In a shack on a warm, quiet beach.
What is your idea of earthly happiness?
A well-played round of golf.  Snuggling with my kids.  A night out for drinks with friends.
To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
People who are unable to empathize.  Sometimes it's just hard to understand when you haven't lived it.
Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
Luke Skywalker and Hans Solo, Harry Potter, Huck Finn.
Who are your favorite characters in history?
Catherine the Great (I was named after her), Abraham Lincoln, Red Cloud.
Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
Rosa Parks; Harriet Tubman.
Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
Hermione (Harry Potter), Kinsey Millhone (Sue Grafton series), Charlotte (Charlotte's Web).
Your favorite painter?
Tie between Monet and Van Gogh
Your favorite musician?
Really tough to narrow this down to one, but guess would have to say Sheryl Crow but don't feel 100% on that.
The qualities you most admire in a man?
Sense of humor, intelligence, kindness.
The qualities you most admire in a woman?
Intelligence, comfortable with self, confidence.
Your favorite virtue?
Contentment.  Respect.  Generosity. Perseverance.  
Your favorite occupation?
Systems engineer.
Who would you have liked to be?
Myself - maybe a little improved by being less judgmental and critical.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

checking in

Yah, yah.  It's been awhile.  I'm getting it done, out of the way.  Here's my recap for the year including the look back at what I set out to accomplish for my year of growth.   I'm saving the pictures for the end.  (I like to make things pretty with pictures because everyone knows I love pictures.)

Playing more pool.  I score high on the commitment to improve my game.  Unfortunately the result was not as I had hoped.  But that's okay.  I'm not giving up any time soon.

Getting my swing on.  Major success in this department. I think I've logged more hours on the course this past year than in the past 3 years.  And it shows in my swing and my score.  Index is down over three points!

Exercise - Indeed a positive note here.  Walking the golf course more frequently than not is definitely a checkmark in the exercise bucket.  Even better than that?  I've started running again.  Not one, but two races - logging my best 5K time yet!  The weather lately has hampered my running but not for long.  The garage is getting cleaned out and my treadmill soon will be running or, more accurately, I will be running on it.

Writing.  Ah, yes.  This is my epic fail for the year.  I haven't decided what to do in this regard.  Only time will tell.

Reading.  Hmmm, cannot say epic fail but definitely not where I want to be.  On the plus side, I recently started a book and I have a few others on the nightstand waiting for me.

Friendships.  I think a plus on this one.  At least I hope I've been there more for my friends.  I think 2013 will be a bigger year with more reaching out.

Career focus.  I think a big plus on this one.  A new job at an awesome company.  Lots of growth potential.  Some additional volunteer commitments in this space too.  No negative here.

New clothes - one article a month.   Well, I started the year well but haven't kept to my promise.  Let's see if I can turn it around again in 2013.

Purge, reinvent, learn.  I moved, therefore I purged.  I spent weekends purging.  I am still purging.  This is an easy win for me.  Reinvention, well not so much.  But I am focusing on what I like and what I want to do to be the person I want to be.  I think that's good enough.  Learning - always.

Okay, now that I've checked in on my year of growth, here are a few of my favorite pics from the year. I'll take you month-by-month through some of the best memories.

February - just being silly with Henry and Sam up in Tahoe.

But who loves their mama?

March - getting in a few pow-pow runs - Mott Canyon for those of you wondering.

I also got to meet George Thorogood courtesy of Roland!

And the big boy, all grow'd up.

Vegas in May, of course!

June held Danny's 8th grade graduation.

and a trip to Hawaii,

including our first luau....

July I saw a baseball game.  Um, why yes, that would be the San Francisco Giants (aka World Series Champs!)...

And we also lost a very special family member.

In August - a typical meet-up for drinks with dear friends.

It also was when someone got his first car!

The big move in September.

October was my first "race".  Okay, not really a race, it was the Dirty Girl Mud Run and it was fun!

And November showed me why early morning runs are the best.

December meant dinner with friends and co-workers.

And Christmas parties...

with MC Hammer as special DJ!

Not a bad year.  And remember ...

Monday, November 12, 2012


It started on Monday.  Just an ordinary day eating an ordinary dinner, but the conversation triggered it.  Danny asked whose house they were going to be at for Christmas to which I replied it'd be mine.  Henry immediately declared that he was sad about this.  He was very matter-of-fact.  He wanted us all to be together.

Ouch.  Ouch for him.  Ouch for me.

Out of nowhere that little nugget became an avalanche of emotion.  Completely caught off guard, I found myself buried thinking only of the death of my forever dreams.  And it was an incredibly hard couple of days.

At some point I realized it was exactly a year ago that Mike decided he was done and called it quits.  I remember the timing exactly because it was the Friday before the Eukel dinner, a charity event we had been attending together since 1995.  But last year I attended alone.  It was both sad and surprisingly enjoyable.

And of course everything is all about Thanksgiving (now that the election is over - yay!).  Last year we celebrated Thanksgiving as a family, minus one very important person.  It was awkward.  It also was very sad.

And here I am today.  Thinking about all this.  Realizing how completely altered my world is now.  Imagine if you will, the house that was your home destroyed by forces of nature - wild fire, hurricane, earthquake - whatever disaster comes to mind.  Luckily you lived through it, but all that remained was a huge mess.  Even though you were overwhelmed by the loss, you still managed to put one foot in front of the other and eventually had a tidy pile of rubble.  And then it was time to rebuild.

Here I am.  My new house is framed.  The walls are up, but bare.  There is a smattering of furniture, the minimum really.  It's rather nondescript inside and feels hollow.  It doesn't feel like home.  Not yet.

Somehow I managed to get through last week.  I mustered up the energy to do dinner with great girl friends Friday night.  Saturday morning I did my first race in what feels like forever, and then basically spent the rest of the day in bed watching a bad movie.  It was awesome.  Sunday was golf and I cooked a dinner enjoyed by all, something that always makes me happy.

But what I did that mattered most was writing this post.  I didn't hit publish on Friday night.  I was too exhausted.  The post was too raw and full of the emotion engulfing me.   But writing those emotions out, making them make sense on "paper", it helped me process.

By the time I was done spilling my "whoa is me" I was done with being "whoa is me" and instead could see things differently.  Yes my life is completely altered from what it was, but look at where I am today compared with a year ago!  I'm not in limbo.  I am not on the precipice of destruction and the unknown.  I am no longer waiting for the hurricane to hit and instead I'm rebuilding.  It's okay.  I'm okay.  I think I'm better than okay.

And also, now I know why I write.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

a little bit boring

Time keeps slipping away and this space remains stale.  It's not that I don't have the time - I can find the time to do what I want.  It's not that I don't want to write - I just can't figure out what to write.  The divorce is done.  The moves are done.  Life is moving on.   Kind of boring actually compared with all the heavy stuff in the months (okay years) prior.

So, to keep things boring, let me share with you the top ten discoveries of my new life.

1.) Keeping the house clean is really easy when there aren't kids around.  Ridiculously easy.
2.) I can go an entire week without washing a single dish when the boys are at their dad's.  In fact, I can go an entire week without even filling the sink with my dirty dishes.
3.) Laundry can now be done in three loads (or less) per week.  Kind of boggles my mind but it's true.  And that includes all the towels.
4.) I tend to feel like I'm forgetting something when it's not my week with the boys.
5.) Not having the boys every other week does not correlate to increased exercise, reading or writing.  Ahem.
6.) I actually don't mind making the boys' beds when they leave for the week.  Makes me feel good that their rooms look tidy and they're nice for when they return.
7.) Garbage and recyclables need to go out whether or not the boys are around to do it.  :/
8.) The cat is far more sociable when the boys are not around.
9.)  Every other week the TV belongs exclusively to me.  I can watch whatever I want exactly whenever I want.
10.) I really miss the boys when they're not here but also manage to occupy my time in a fulfilling way.

Anyway, like I said, a little bit boring.  But it's my new life.  And I'm settling in.

P.S. - bonus points if you can find something a little different about this page.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

today is day two

While all the chatter yesterday was about the horrible tragedy of 9/11, it was only a footnote to me.  You see, for me, yesterday marked a much more personal event.  Yesterday was the date I became officially divorced.  Officially a single woman.   Officially beginning a new life.

What, you might ask, did I do - if anything - to mark the occasion?  I did fun and exciting stuff.  I got the kids off to school and went to work.  I met up with a friend for a cocktail (okay two) after work.  I went to Tuesday night pool league.  And then I went home and went to bed.  Exciting I know.

And today, day two.  I got the kids off to school and went to work.  I'll go home and make the boys dinner.   I'll unpack two boxes (that's my unpacking goal - two a day).  I'll watch some TV.  I might do some fantasy football research.  Exciting I know.

I expect the rest of the week to be more of the same.  But, I will say, changes are coming.  More reading and writing.  More golfing and regular exercise.  I've even signed on to do one of those mud run events.  Exciting I know.