I've seen lots of posts over the past week. Most are reflecting on the past year or choosing a particular word or phrase to define their new year. Personally I'd like to pretend that the year 2011 never existed so I think I need to look forward, but a word on the first 11 days.
I rang in the New Year alone. It seems very appropriate considering the year I have in front of me. On one hand it was perfect, on the other it was depressing. Immediately following the new year (January 2nd) was my nineteenth wedding anniversary - now a hollow and meaningless day.
The first work week of 2012 ended with my primary project getting pulled. This was disappointing on a number of levels. I enjoyed the project and the project team. The work was new and varied, significantly complicated and really kept me busy (which I desperately need). It also meant that I would not be able to travel back east on the company's dime depriving me of a visit with my sister and father that I hoped to squeeze in.
January 9th marked the 10th anniversary of my mother's death. Every year I always think it's going to be notable. Most years it is not and this one was no exception. The thing is, I feel her loss every single day. The passage of time is irrelevant. The sadness doesn't go away, the pain doesn't lessen. I have simply learned how to push the sadness down and away. It works for me. My therapist might disagree.
But enough of all that. It is, after all, a new year. In the spirit of my "life is how you look at it" attitude, I'm going to focus on the positives.
My life is what it is and I have to make the most of it. I have to get used to having an entire week where I have nothing to do except what I want or need to do. There will be no kids to feed, reprimand or bathe. No homework to monitor. No arguments to referee. No dinner to cook if I don't feel like it. It's really quite an odd feeling. All this free time after 16+ years of doing stuff for everyone else.
Therefore, 2012 will be my year of growth.
I picked up an additional night of pool in an effort to bring up my game a bit.
I will start going to the driving range and get my swing on.
I will exercise more.
I will write more.
I will read more.
I will have time to be available for those who might need me.
I will focus on my career.
I will get some new clothes to help me look good and feel better about myself - one article a month. (I already did a little shopping spree!)
I will purge and reinvent and learn. I (almost) have a blank slate. I can make myself what I want to be. Bring on 2012.