Thursday, March 10, 2011

i'm a very good driver

As a mother I do a lot of driving.  Take a Tuesday for example.  I drive the oldest and drop him off at school in the morning and then make my way to the BART station.  If I’m lucky (and early enough) I’ll get a spot.  If not, then I have to drive back home and wait for the 10:00 am parking to open up and drive back down there.  Of course, after work, I drive home.   Tuesdays they boys have Boy Scouts so I drive one kid to the middle school, and then I drive back home.  A short time later I have to pick up the oldest from lacrosse practice at the high school, and then I drive back home.  Finally it’s time to pick up the kid from Boy Scouts, and then I drive back home.  You get the picture. 

Winter provides even more hours on the road with our weekend trips up to the mountains for skiing.  Three hours (if we’re lucky) each way.  Every weekend.  You see by all this driving how I must be a very good driver.  And I am (as I pat myself on the back).  It’s all the other folks out there that make me scratch my head and wonder if they got their license from a Cracker Jack box.   Where did some of these people learn to drive?!

I’ve categorized them.  Yes, I have.  I haven’t earned the nickname “Poster Child for Road Rage” for nothing.

First let me tell you about the Magician.  These are the people driving on the highway who put their blinkers on and immediately move into your lane.  They assume their magical prowess causes you to evaporate into a POOF of air simply because they put on their blinker.  You just don’t exist anymore.

Of course there’s the Tailgater.  You know the type, riding up your rear so close it reminds you of a dog sniffing another dog’s butt.  Only they’re not friendly and wagging their tails.  These people are just plain rude (and stupid because I like to break suddenly to teach them a lesson).  What really gets me irked is when someone tailgates me when I have a slowpoke in front of me.  Listen pal, I can’t move any faster than the person in front of me so back off buddy!

My least favorite is the Traffic Regulator.  Traffic regulators are also known as egotists.  These are the folks that, on a highway, will ride in the left lane even when not passing.  If, however, you decide that you’d like to go around them, they will speed up immediately to prevent that from happening.  You see, they are (of course) driving at the perfect speed and think that you should not drive any faster.  They must keep you in your place – behind them.  At all costs.  These same people you follow for extended periods of time on a long, winding mountain road wishing for a passing lane and when it at long last comes, he hits the gas pedal at break-neck speed eclipsing your ability to pass.

Okay, wait.  I remembered one more – definitely tied for least favorite – the Moving Roadblock.   This is a version of the Traffic Regulator only the motivation is different.  Where the Traffic Regulator is an egotist, the Moving Roadblock is suffering from obliviosity.  Typically no intentional malice, but still just as frustrating.  These are the folks that drive in the left lane and don’t pass either.  What makes it utterly frustrating is that they are side-by-side with the guy in the right lane effectively “blocking” your ability to get around.  

Do you know these people?  Where did they learn to drive?  Have any more to add to the list?  I'm sure someone's got a comment about cell phones and driving.  Or how about those people who drive up in the exit lane and suddenly cut in?
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